Will You Remember Me?
by melissabann
Summary: After the Second Bloody Valentine war Dearka decides he wants Miriallia back. Although reluctant, she agrees to meet with him in Orb to discuss it in person. When he doesn't show up she decides to forget about him and she leaves on a three month photography trip.
1. Prologue: The Incident

**Prologue: The Incident**

 **** June, 74 CE ****

Dearka watched the few trees and many buildings rush past him as he drove down the highway of the artificial land he called home. He grew up in the colonies called the PLANTs. For many years he called it home. For a long time he even fought as a ZAFT soldier to protect it. But now he was leaving it all behind. He was ready for a new home, and something or rather someone else to protect. It wasn't the first time he had done this. During the war he chose someone else over the PLANTs, and although in many ways it was the right choice it ended with him getting his heart broken. But that was the past. Now he was ready to try it all again.

" _I can't believe you're actually doing this!"_ Yzak voice echoed through the speaker of his car. " _Do you really think she is worth it?"_

"You know she is" Dearka said with confidence. "Life hasn't been the same since the moment I met her. Everything has changed since then… I've changed"

" _Nobody ever said it was for the better"_

"Just because I have a soft spot for naturals now? They are people too you know"

" _That doesn't mean you need to marry one"_

"Come on now Yzak, nobody ever said anything about marriage. She barely agreed to meet with me to talk about the possibility of getting back together. I'm pretty sure marriage is the furthest thing from her mind."

" _And what about yours?"_ He questioned.

"I'm not going to lie, when I think about either being with her the rest of my life or never being with her ever again I know which one I would chose in a heartbeat. But neither of us is ready for that. We need to work a few things out first"

" _A few hundred things"_ Yzak replied in a snarky tone.

"Maybe… but I'm willing to do any work I need to in order to be with her again. She's the reason I'm the man I am today. The reason I proudly wear a black ZAFT uniform. If it wasn't for her I would still be that womanising sarcastic ass I was three years ago"

" _You're still a sarcastic ass"_ He said quickly in a serious tone before they both started to laugh for a couple seconds.

"But seriously when I think about the guy I used to be… I hate it. I hate who I once was and if nothing else I'll always be grateful for that, because I never want to be that guy again"

" _And you're really willing to leave ZAFT for her?"_

"ZAFT isn't everything Yzak. You're only given one life afterall, and it's up to you how you're going to spend it. You can spend everyday married to your job or… you can find someone who makes you wish every moment would last forever."

" _Say what you want about the old you, at least then you weren't a sappy romantic."_

Dearka laughed a bit and then got serious. "Don't waste your life Yzak."

" _Huh?"_

"I know you have a thing going on with Shiho. Maybe it's just a friends with benefits thing right now but that can't last forever."

" _Who said I was sleeping with her?"_

"Nobody had to say anything. All those late nights you two have working on 'assignments' together, doesn't take a genius to figure out that wasn't always the case."

" _How long have you known?"_

"Does it matter? What matters is if you like the girl stop hiding it. Life's too short to bullshit around"

" _How philosophical of you Elsman"_ he retorted.

"Just think about it. I'm going all the way to Earth to fight for my girl, yours is just down the hall from you. Maybe by the end of tomorrow we can both be happy with the women we care most about"

" _That is if your girl sticks around Orb long enough. From the sounds of it you only have a small window to catch her before she leaves again"_ Yzak said trying to get the focus off him and Shiho.

"Yeah. A three month assignment came up. By the time I get there we'll only have a couple of hours to talk. If I'm lucky she'll actually let me come with her so we can sort things out."

" _And if she doesn't?"_

"I don't want to even think about her leaving on that trip without me." Dearka took the exit off the highway. He could see he was nearing to the shuttle port. "Listen Yzak I need to go I'm almost at the port… Don't forget what I said."

" _What do you mean"_

"Seize the day. Go after what you want. We're soldiers after all. We should know better than anyone that anyday could be our last"

" _You know sometimes you're as dramatic as a woman! What if I like my relationship just the way it is! You should just butt out and go deal with your stupid natural"_

"Ghuahh" Yzak heard Dearka gasp loudly all of a sudden. The next few moments felt like they were ripping his heart out. He could hear the horrid screeching of tires, followed by the crunch of metal on metal. He felt his face go pale as the line cut out. In that moment he didn't know if his friend was dead or alive.

 ***** Later In Orb *****

Miriallia looked down at her watch. It read '4:15'. Dearka was late… really late. He was suppose to be there at 2:30. She was surprised, he knew she only had two hours to spare for him today. After their phone call she was sure he would be there waiting for her at their designated meeting place. Instead she sat alone looking out at the sea.

"Dearka…" She said to herself as she closed her eyes and leaned back. "I guess you were wrong… maybe it is too late for us" She opened her eyes and looked up at the sky. Faintly in the distance she could see the PLANTs. She did want to see him. Even if they ultimately decided to stay apart she wanted to see him. She missed him. But it was too late now.

She picked up her phone and dial his number. " _Hey! You've reached Dearka Elsman. I can't come to the phone right now so leave one after the beep"_

 _*BEEP*_

"Dearka… Guess this is really over huh? We're really over. I've waited as long as I could but you're not here. I don't know what would have happened with us if we actually had a chance to see… but now we never will. I'm leaving like planned. Don't try to call or find me, you won't be able to." She felt tears rolling down her face. She wanted to kept her composure but her emotions got the best of her and she began to cry, her voice cracking. "Maybe I'm just not meant to find my happy ending with a guy from another world… goodbye Dearka Elsman… I'll never forget you and all you did for me."

Hanging up she picked up her camera bag. Taking one last look at the ocean she started to walk off towards her car. She had already packed her bags. She would be spending the next three months helping to rebuild cities affected by the war. She would be out of contact with all her friends and family the entire time, but right now she felt like that was exactly what she needed.


	2. Chapter I: The Man He Used To Be

_**Will You Remember Me?**_

* * *

 **Chapter I: The Man He Used To Be  
** **** Late August, 74 CE ****

She sat there watching his motionless body. It was the same thing she had done day in and day out since she received the call. It had been weeks since she had heard any news from her son. She never expected that the next time she received a call about him it would be from the hospital. But when that phone rang she felt her knees become weak and she fell crashing to the floor sobbing uncontrollably. Not even her husband could stop her crying.

She thought he was going to die that day. She was almost certain of it. He had been in a horrible car accident. A transport truck had lost control and crashed into Dearka's convertible. His car didn't offer much for protection. His only saving grace was that he was wearing his seatbelt. He went through endless hours of back to back surgeries. She was told countless times over the days that followed that he may not make it. But here they were almost three months later.

Dearka had survived. He managed to pull through and keep fighting. But he still remained unconscious. He had been in a coma since the accident. And his mother had been by his side the entire time. The doctors told her there was no telling what kind of damage was done during the accident until he woke up. He had suffered a large amount of head trauma, and scans could only tell them so much.

She had tried to keep his friends as up-to-date on his condition as possible. She had even sent messages out to ZAFT bases on Earth in hopes of getting in contact with his ex, but no luck. She never approved of Miriallia Haww. She was a natural after all. But she knew her son loved her. He would give up everything to be with her in a heartbeat. She knew he would want her there. Maybe hearing her voice would pull him out of this deep deep sleep.

She reached out her hand and held his. She had done it many times but never did he squeeze back… not until today. She felt his hand tighten on hers. Surprised she looked up to see his amethyst eyes staring into her emerald ones. "Mother?" He said weakly.

"Dearka" She replied, tears rolling down her face.

"Where am I?" He asked confused. "How did I get here?"

"You're in a hospital in Aprillis One."

"I'm back in the PLANTs" a stern confused look crossed his face. He frowned and his eyes shifted around like he was trying to remember something but couldn't. "I don't understand. I was on Earth"

It was his mother's turn to be confused. Dearka hadn't been to Earth in over a year. Not since he and his natural girlfriend had broken up. "Sweetie… what are you talking about?"

"How did it end?" He demanded.

"How did what end?"

"The battle? Did we avenge him? Did we avenge Nicol's death?" He watched as mother's eyes opened wide. He could tell she was surprised by what he was asking.

"Honey I'm going to go get the doctor. I'll be right back"

She soon returned with a doctor. He spoke with Dearka for a while. He asked many questions and ran several tests. By the end of it he had an answer. He had a traumatic brain injury, it had caused him to have amnesia. It was retrograde amnesia. He had lost the past three and a half years of his life. Gone like they never existed.

Dearka just kept staring down at his hands. He was so confused. He tried his hardest to force the memories to come back, to remember anything, but he couldn't. His mind was a blank. All he could remember was the battle against the ARCHANGEL. He didn't know how it ended, but obviously it ended in his favor, one way or another.

"Is there any way for him to retrieve his memories?" His mother asked concerned.

"The best way is for him to return to his normal routine. If the damage isn't permanent then he will start to regain pieces, not necessarily in chronological order. At first it maybe be like a jigsaw puzzle. The full image may not be clear. It will be fragmented. But as time passes those fragments will become whole."

"Thank you doctor"

"I'll be back later to run a few more tests. But for now you should both take it easy." The doctor left the room leaving the Mrs Elsman and her son alone.

She reached out and brushed his bangs to the side. She could see his three year old scars. He had never told her where they came from but the fact that he kept them showed they meant something to him. "How are you feeling."

"Confused. Lost. Pissed off."

"Understandable. I promise it won't last. You'll remember eventually"

"And if I don't?" He snapped. He didn't mean to speak to his mother in that tone but he couldn't help it. He was so frustrated with the situation.

"Then you pick up your life from here. You may not remember what happened after that battle but that doesn't mean your life is over."

Dearka looked around the room. "Where's father? I thought he would be here by now?" He had been awake for several hours now and his father was still not there.

His mother nervously tucked her hair behind her ear. She didn't really know what to say. She sat down and held his hand. "I know you might find this hard to believe but you two haven't spoken in over two years"

"What? Why?" He asked confused. He and his father had never been the closest. His father was too busy being a politician to really pay him much attention but the thought of them not speaking at all seemed absurd.

"You… did something. I happen three years ago. It started the tensions between the two of you. It only escalated from there."

"What did I do."

"It doesn't matter Dearka. If you get your memories back then you'll remember why. And if you don't then this is your opportunity to fix things between the two of you. I want you two to talk. It's been the worst feeling having you two fighting."

"I'll think about it"

"Thank you." She said standing up. "Yzak is here on business. I'm going to go contact him to let him know you are awake. He'll want to see you. Then I have to go, there is a political dinner I have to attend. But I'll be back in the morning."

"Have a good night mother"

"You too sweetie."

She kissed him on the forehead and left the room. Dearka closed his eyes and dozed off, he woke up a few hours later. The sun was beginning to set. He looked over towards the window as the room was filled with the orange glow. Suddenly his head began to pound as a vision of a young woman popped into his head. Her face was a blur, lost in the light of the sun. But there was something about her that brought him comfort. Was this a memory fragment the doctor spoke of?

 **Flashback**

The ARCHANGEL had landed a couple of hours outside of Orb. The war was over. They were making their way back to the homeland. The fighting was finished, but Dearka couldn't help but still feel like he still had a fight to win. The fight for a young girl's forgiveness. He had looked all over the ship for her to no avail. " _Where is she?"_ he wondered. Finally he came to a door that lead to the outer deck of the ship. Taking a chance he opened the door.

He had never seen anything more beautiful. The sun was rising over the sea. Hues of red, yellow and orange danced across the ocean. But nothing was more beautiful than the girl bathed in the sunlight. She was wearing an orange dress that fit her perfectly. She was ready for civilian life, a life he had pulled her away from. He took a few steps forward, hearing him she turned around.

"De-Dearka! What are you doing here?"

"Looking for you" He admitted as he walked towards her. He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "So what are you doing out here?"

She turned back around to look at Orb far of in the horizon. "I never thought I would see it again. We made it… well… most of us" She said sadly looking down as she placed her hand on the rail. Dearka looked and was surprised to see an EAF jacket under her hand. She laughed a bit almost like she was choking on her tears. "I thought I had moved on… I thought I was over it. It's been five months. Why does it still hurt so much?" She demanded looking up at him for comfort.

"I'm sorry, but I can't tell you. I've lost many friends to the war but never someone that… that I love. I can only hope that when I tell you that the pain with fade someday that I'm not lying." He reached out and wiped her tears away. "I wanted to tell you that I'm leaving. When we arrive in Orb I'll be getting on a shuttle back to the PLANTs"

"Yo-you're leaving so soon?" She said surprised.

"Orb is your homeland not mine. I belong up there" He said looking up in the sky. She looked up too. "The PLANTs are where I should be."

"Why did you come back? During the fight in Orb" She asked looking at him.

"Do you really need to ask?" He said sweetly. She just looked at him with those big blue eyes of her's waiting for a real answer. "I… wanted to protect you"

"You defected to protect me?" She repeated confused.

Nervous he pushed off the rail and scratched his head just above his bandages. "We'll… I couldn't exactly watch you die. You may have been the enemy but it was the first time I knew the enemy's face. Knowing someone innocent like you was in danger I couldn't just stand there and do nothing."

"Thank you" She replied smiling. It was the first time he had ever seen her smile. It was small but beautiful. She turned and looked up at the sky. "Whenever I feel scared or alone I'll look up at the sky. Then I'll remember that you are watching over me… that you are protecting me."

"Forever, and for always." He replied smiling back. He placed a hand reassuringly on her shoulder before starting to walk away.

"Wa-wait" He stopped in his tracks hearing her voice. He turned to look at her. "What should I do with his jacket? What would you do?"

"When you're ready to move on you'll know what to do with it. For now hold it close, and never forget that he wanted nothing more than for your happiness."

With that he turned around and start to leave again. As he walked he felt his bandages slipping down his face. Suddenly a big gust of wind came blowing across the ship. This caused his head dressing to fly off. Instinctively he turned his head to watch where it flew. That's when he saw it. Miriallia was releasing Tolle's jacket into the wind. She was letting him go. She looked like a huge weight was lifted of her shoulders.

 **End of Flashback**

" _What the hell was that? Who is she?"_ He thought. He was lost in his own head trying to figure out who the girl could be, where he would have seen her, when he heard a voice.

"You look a little worse for wear." Recognizing the voice as Yzak's he turned his head and looked at his friend. He had changed. His hair was the same, but he looked older. It was the first time that he truly believed over three years have passed. Then there was his scar. It was gone. Something Yzak said would never happen until the war was over. "How are you feeling?" He asked as he approached.

"Confused to say the least. Frustrated as hell too." Part of him wanted to ask about the girl. But he didn't see any real defining features to be able to describe her. Not even the color of her hair. Maybe she was no one, just one of many one night stands. Perhaps all she really was was a sign that his memories weren't lost forever.

"Just be glad you're alive. You survived two wars fighting til the end, dying it a car accident would have been a waste."

"Two wars?" It was the first time he had heard of a second one. It definitely made him curious.

"Yes. But don't ask me to explain further. It's complicated. You wouldn't understand in your current state."

"What the hell is that suppose to mean?"

"The second war started because of what happened at the end of the first. Since you can't remember how it ended it would take a lot of explaining."

"Guess you have a point" He leaned back in the bed and watched the ceiling fan whirl around. They were silent for a while. Neither one of them knew what to say. Dearka had so many questions, and although Yzak wanted to answer them all he didn't know how. "So did Zala get him?" Dearka finally asked.

"Hmm?" Yzak seemed puzzled by the question.

"The last thing I remember was fighting in the battle after Nicol's death. You had returned to the ship, while Athrun and I were still engaging the enemy. Athrun was fighting the STRIKE, so how did it end."

Yzak thought for a minute. He didn't know how much to tell him. He certainly didn't want to reveal to him that he had surrendered and became a prisoner of the ARCHANGEL. "Zala self destructed his machine on the STRIKE."

"What? Are you serious! So Athrun is de-"

"No. He ejected just in time."

"So… he finally did it. He stopped jerking around and got the job done."

Yzak was silent for a few minutes. He could believe how hard this was. Dearka had changed so much in the years since that battle, but he always thought he hated the changes. Now he wasn't so sure. "How much longer do you have to stay in the hospital?" He asked after a few awkward minutes.

"They want to run a few more tests. Physical they say I've healed fine, it's the mental that is the problem."

"So you really don't remember anything from the past three and a half years"

This was his opportunity to ask him about the girl, but he decided against it. "Not a thing"

"So you don't remember that I became your commanding officer" He boasted.

"You! Really. Commander Joule? Guess it does have a certain ring to it. Must have drove Zala nuts when you finally out ranked him" Yzak just smirked in response. In some ways it was nice to have his partner in crime back, but on the other hand he wasn't the Dearka he was friends with now.

He turned his head away from Dearka for a seconds before looking back and replying. "Not like he cares."

Seeing this was a sore point still with him, Dearka decided to change the subject. He needed advice on what to do with the whole speaking with his father thing. "Mother wants me to meet with father." this seemed to catch Yzak's attention, he looked surprised and a bit concerned. "Normally it wouldn't be a big deal, but she told me that he and I haven't spoken in over two years. I have no idea what happened between us. She says it was because of something I did, but I'm not so sure. So what do you think? Should I met with him?"

"It could hurt to talk with him. If nothing else maybe it would spark a memory of what happen between you two. But don't expect him to give you any reasoning for your estrangement, I'm sure he'd rather you not remember… He'd probably rather you not get any of your of your memories back."

"What does my memory have to do with it?"

"If you don't remember then the two of you don't have a problem… but as soon as you remember your relationship will be over again. Because he's not willing to change in the ways you or even I have."

This only confused him more. Was it something he did, or was it the fact he had changed in some way? Or was it possible it was both. He could tell the way Yzak looked at him when he said certain things that he wasn't used to it. They were friends, bestfriends, so he couldn't imagine they had drifted apart. "Then I guess you can tell mother that I will met with him, if that is what you think I should do."

"I'll be sure to let her know… Listen I think it's best when you are discharged from the hospital that you return with me to my ship, regardless of how things turn out with your father. You were still a soldier these past three years. It's the best way to spark your memories."

"So you want me to get them back?"

"It's what you would have wanted. You have some unfinished business that you need to take care of. Without your memories you can never complete it." Yzak never wanted Dearka to be with Miriallia. In many ways he hated that girl for taking his best friend from him. She changed him, caused him to be sympathetic towards naturals, and without realizing it she 'infected' him as well. It was what made him the great commander he was now. For that he was grateful to the girl and would try his best to repair the man she cared about.


	3. Chapter II: Deceived

_**Will You Remember Me?**_

* * *

 **Chapter II: Deceived**

Dearka slowly changed out of his hospital gown and into some much missed clothes. He never thought he would miss a t-shirt and jeans so much, but after being awake for a few days he quickly grew tired of the horrible piece of clothing they had him in. He went through test after test but now he was finally permitted to leave. He didn't know whether to be happy or not. He still hadn't remembered anything, only the faceless girl. Even that had been days ago. Feeling a cool breeze on the back of his neck he turned and saw the window was open. He walked over and shut it.

"You've grown" He heard a man say behind him. He turned to see his father standing in the doorway looking as stern as ever. Dearka chose not to respond instead he just leaned against the wall. "You're covered in scars" He remarked. "We should see about getting those removed." Dearka still didn't respond, this caused his father to frown. "Are you going to speak to me or are you just going to stare at me?"

"I don't know… should I speak to you or should I walk out that door and ignore you." He said disgusted. "You act like you are concerned for me like a father should be, but somehow it feels false."

"I'm your father, of course I'm concerned for you." His father snapped irritated.

"Really? Because from what I hear it's been years since I've even spoken to you. According to mother it was because of something I did, but after speaking with Yzak about it I'm not sure"

"What exactly did Joule say?" He questioned.

Dearka smirked as he folded his arms in front of himself. "What's wrong father?" He asked. "Afraid I might find out what you are hiding, what lies you are keeping?"

"So I take it he hasn't told you anything."

"He told me that you have no desire for me to regain my memories, that perhaps you would be content with what has happened to me." His father frowned at him. "So what is the truth? Knowing I've lost years of my life are you happy or does it concern you?"

"What do you want me to answer Dearka?"

"I want you to answer with the truth!" He yelled. "Does this please you! I almost died in that accident! I've lost everything I was in the past few years. And you stand there acting like you don't care. Mother has been a wreck. Yzak is tripping over his words, but you… you act like everything's normal. Like this is what you wanted!"

"You really think I wanted to see you like this?" He argued. "Your mother cried herself to sleep night after night. After every surgery, every meeting with the doctors I wondered if I could have done something to prevent it. But it wasn't me who caused this it was tha-" He stopped mid-sentence not wanting to reveal the truth.

"That what?" Dearka asked curious but his father didn't bite. "What the hell are you hiding from me? What happened that pulled us apart! Why haven't we talked in over two years! Dammit! Tell me!"

"You were being deceived!" His father yelled.

" _You're being deceived!"_ He heard Yzak's voice echo in his head. For a flash of a second Dearka saw Yzak standing in front of him holding him at gunpoint. He felt his heart pounding hard as pressure built up in his head. He reached his hand up and covered his face as he focused on his breathing.

 **Flashback**

He looked Yzak directly in the eyes as he spoke ignoring the gun pointing straight at him. Yzak was once one of his greatest allies and more than that he was his best friend. Now he wasn't sure what they were. Enemies?

"The FREEDOM's pilot is the same guy who use to pilot the STRIKE" Dearka explained. He could see the shock in Yzak's face as he continued to speak "And he's a coordinator too. He and Athrun, they have been friends since they were just kids."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm not as devoted to the cause as those two are, but I've seen some things…" His thoughts wandered to the the young natural girl as he remembered the day she tried to take his life out of pure grief and terror. "I watched them. And after I saw Alaska, Panama, and Orb, there's no way I can return to ZAFT if it means fighting like the military tells me to."

"Dearka STOP" he yelled

They continued to stare at one another in silence. Yzak's eyes filled with anger and betrayal, while Dearka showed resolve and also sorrow. Suddenly the ground beneath them began to shake causing both to lose their balance a bit.

" _Yzak can you hear me? We're leaving"_ Rau Le Creuset informed Yzak over the communicator. Hearing this Dearka turned and headed for the BUSTER. Yazk regained his composure from the shaking grounded and aimed the gun back at his former ally.

"If you think leaving ZAFT makes me your enemy, then shoot me."

"You're being deceived!" Yzak replied in a pleading tone.

"I wonder which one of us is really being deceived." He said sadly looking over his shoulder. "There's nothing left to say. I'm going"

 **End of Flashback**

"Dearka are you okay?" His father asked worried.

Taking his hand off his head he blurted "Like you care!" He looked away from his father. "I don't know what happened between the two of us but if it was something big enough to end our relationship then maybe that is how we should remain. I have no intentions of remaining like this. I will do anything to get back to who I was. If becoming that person again means losing you in my life then so be it. I was willing to do that once maybe I should do so again." He started towards the door and passed by his father. His father quickly took hold of his arm, squeezing hard.

"Where exactly do you think you are going?"

"Yzak is waiting for me downstairs. I'm going back to the base with him."

"So you are going back to the military again? You must be the only soldier to join ZAFT that many times"

Dearka looked at him baffled. "What are you talking about"

His father just smiled. "Why not ask Commander Joule, I'm sure he would love to explain things to you" he released his son's arm and walked out of the room, leaving Dearka to contemplate his father's words.

Dearka waited a while in his room hoping that he wouldn't run into his father again. Once he believed enough time had passed he got up and left. He made his way down to the elevator. It was strange walking. Since waking up he hadn't been given the opportunity to walk very much. It seemed difficult, more difficult than he cared to admit. Each step felt like it was reawakening muscles he didn't realize he had. He got in the elevator, pressed the button for the ground floor and leaned against the wall for support.

During his few minutes of the elevator ride his mind wandered to the fragment he remembered. Yzak was holding a gun towards him. His face was lite up with anger. Something had happened between them during the first war, something serious that he had forgotten. Then there was his father's comment about him rejoining ZAFT again. " _What the hell did he mean?"_ He thought as the doors opened. He pushed himself off the wall and headed out towards the exit. There waiting in his white commander's uniform was Yzak.

"How did meeting with your father go?" He asked curious.

"A disaster" He replied. "I don't know why but I snapped at him. Giving him a chance… it just didn't seem right."

"Maybe subconsciously you still remember what happened between you two. Did you at least remember anything?"

Although he did remember _something_ he knew Yzak wouldn't be in the mood to explain whatever it was, not yet anyways. "No" He lied "But my father did say something interesting."

"And what's that?"

"When I told him I was joining you at the base he seemed to think I was rejoining ZAFT." Yzak broke eye contact.

"It's been taken care of" He stated as he started to leave.

"What does that mean? Why did I leave ZAFT?" He demanded as he followed close behind as he always had.

"You left for personal reasons." He explained. "But those reasons no longer exist, not in your current state. But it is a temporary position."

"Temporary"

"The council believes it's best if we leave your status open. You can leave at any point you want without notice or consequence."

"Since when is the council so caring and understanding."

"Lets just say the new leadership wants nothing more than for you to get better. They are just looking out for your best interest."

"How did I get to be so special?"

"You slept with the right girl" He joked smirking before getting in his car. Dearka just smiled back and sat down in the passenger's seat. "Listen, I can't imagine how hard this is for you. So much has happened since that day. But I'm not about to spend days answering a million questions, I have better things to do. Just get your ass back to work, the rest will sort itself out"

"Right" He agreed as they took off out of the parking lot. They drove a little ways in silence until Dearka turned his head and looked at Yzak "So what was the girl's name?" Yzak eyes darted to him for a second.

"What girl?"

"This so called 'right girl'"

"I was just joking."

"In my experience all jokes start from somewhere"

"Maybe so, but like I said, I'm in no mood to answer a million questions."


	4. Chapter III: War Stories

_**Will You Remember Me?**_

* * *

 **Chapter III: War Stories**

The drive from the hospital to the base was longer than Dearka expected. It didn't help that most of the ride was spent in silence. The tried small talk but it seemed awkward and strained. Their relationship was damage all because of some accident. Finally they arrived at the base. Getting out of the vehicle they were quickly greeted by a beautiful brunette female soldier. Once she reached them she saluted.

"Commander Joule"

"Hahnenfuss" He replied saluting back.

Her eyes looked at Dearka for a second before darting back to her commander. "Everyone inside has been updated on the 'situation'"

"The situation?" Dearka said raising an eyebrow. "Is that what you're calling it honey?" She looked at him with disgust. He ignored this and reached his hand out tucking her hair behind her ear. He then trailed his fingers down her cheek and under her chin, tilting her head up to look him in the eyes. "So tell me, what is a beautiful girl like you doing in a place like this?" He asked. Angry she slapped his hand away.

"Touch me again and you'll be wish that truck hit you harder." She spat.

"Shiho!" Yzak scolded.

"Sorry Commander." she quickly apologized.

"Wow, you're quite the touchy one now aren't you."

"She's taken that's why, which means she not interested in fooling around with you" Yzak spat.

"Really and tell me missy is this guy of your really worth your time? Because I could make you feel things you didn't even know was possible."

"If those things are nauseated and disgusted then congratulations, you've succeeded."

"Maybe introductions are in order. Dearka, this is Shiho Hahnenfuss, my lieutenant and girlfriend." Yzak confessed. Dearka looked at him shocked.

"You're the guy she's seeing?!"

"Surprised?"

"You dating? And here I thought ZAFT would always be your number one lady"

"Like I said lots has changed since you last remember." He walked past both Dearka and Shiho and entered the base, the two of them following close behind. As they walked through the base they were saulted by many soldiers. Some were even whispering about Dearka's return. "Just ignore them" Yzak said noticing Dearka was trying to hear the conversations going on. "They are all just surprised to see you out of uniform."

"So when exactly will I get my uniform back"

"It's in my office"

As they all rounded the corner the spotted two soldiers fighting. One had the other pinned against the wall as the argued. "Dammit! Not again!" Shiho said rushing towards the soldiers. She pulled them apart yelling. "Cut it out! That's enough out of both of you!"

" _That is enough out of both of you!"_ Dearka heard echo in his head. A flash of his father pinning him against a wall and his mother yelling popped in his head.

 **Flashback**

Dearka sat down across the table from his parents. He was nervous to say the least. He had questioned whether or not talking to them was the best decision. But in the end he decided to go for it. Truth was if he ever hoped to have a healthy relationship he couldn't keep it a secret.

"What did you want to talk to us about?" His mother asked. He was so lost in thought and full of nerves that he jumped at the sound of her voice. His father raised a confused eyebrow at him. His son was never one to be so jumpy when talking with them. He always had a cocky-cool confidence, but right now he seemed spineless like jello. Not at all himself.

"You ok Dearka?" His father asked, more annoyed than concerned.

"Yeah, I'm fine father." He answered trying not to make eye contact.

"Then answer your mother's question. What was so important that you needed to speak with both of us?"

He hesitated at first before finally answering. "Well... It's just that... I've... I've been seeing someone" he said full of nerves. He could see they were both a little surprised.

"You mean you actually have a steady girlfriend?" His mother said sounding shocked. It didn't really surprise Dearka that his mother would react like that. After all he had never had a girlfriend before. In fact he had never been with a girl for more than a few days. He would always get bored and move on. But his girl, she was like no one he had ever met before. "How long have you two been together?"

"A few months." He admitted.

"A few months? Why are you only telling us now?"

"Because... I only recently realized that..." He paused for a second. Once he said the words he knew he could never take them back, but he didn't come this far to chicken out. "... I'm in love."

"Love" his mother repeated shocked.

"Yes. She's amazing." His face lite up with happiness thinking about her. "She is smart, funny, and so beautiful. She's down to earth, and she makes me happier than I ever knew was possible. If this isn't love, I don't know what it is"

"You're only 17" his father argued. "How do you know it isn't just another infatuation of yours?"

"Trust me, I know the difference." He said with confidence. "She's nothing like anyone I've ever known before. We've... been through alot together."

"I thought you said you've only been together for only a few months. Just how much could you two have been through in that time?"

"I never said how long we've known each other. Truth is I've known her for a while... and I think it's time you two get to know her as well. I want you both to met her." He said seriously.

"What is her name?" His mother asked, sounding happy for her son.

"Miriallia Haww"

"Miriallia Haww!?" His father repeated angry. "Dearka this is unacceptable!" He said standing up slamming his fists on the table, startling his now confused wife.

"Darling, what's wrong?"

"I've read every report of your time as a prisoner Dearka. And each report there was one name that kept coming up. The person who attacked you in the infirmary, the one who later served as your caregiver when you were imprisoned, the person who released you." Dearka couldn't look at either of them. He knew how they would both feel when they discovered what she was. "All a young girl, a young natural...named Miriallia Haww!"

"No! That can't be true. Dearka he would never" his mother said shocked covering her mouth.

"It's true mother, and I love her." He replied "I don't expect either of you to understand, but please accept it."

"She a natural!" His father had never been more angry at him. But this tone only caused Dearka himself to shoot up from his seat in anger.

"And you would hold that against her? You don't even care about anything else"

"She attacked you while you were a prisoner!"

"It was well deserved, and she spent the rest of the time that I was a prisoner trying to make up for it. She is a sweet girl who should've never been a soldier."

"That doesn't mean she should be you. Naturals and coordinators can never be as one, they can never live in harmony."

"Is that truly what you believe?"

"Of course it is"

"Then you're just some old man stuck in his ways." Dearka spat before turning around and heading towards the doorway. He was surprised when he felt his father grab him and slam him against the wall. His father held him tight to wall with his arm pressed against his chest.

"You disrespectful piece of shit!"

"Don't you see things are changing. We just signed a Peace Treaty with the naturals. Just forget the past and move on!"

"After what _they_ did to our people!"

"She is not them!" He yelled back. "She may be a natural but she was never part of any anti-coordinator rallies"

"She was an Earth Alliance soldier."

"Because of ZAFT."

"What the hell is that suppose to mean?"

"If you took the time to get to know her then you would know what I mean."

"That is enough out of both of you!" Dearka's mother yelled trying to pull them apart. Obeying his wife, Tad backed away from his son.

They stared each other down for a while before his father finally spoke. "End it with her now." Dearka frowned at the thought. "Either you break it off with this girl or you walk out that door and never come back"

He stood there for a few seconds in silence. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before opening them and answering. "Thank you father."

"For what?"

"For making this decision so easy. If my choices are to never see Mir again or never see you, I know which I'm choosing. I just hope you are willing to live with it" With that Dearka continued his way towards the door, leaving both his parents stunned at what had just transpired.

 **End of Flashback**

"Dearka? Hey Dearka?"

"Huh?" Dearka removed his hand that was covering his face and looked at Yzak. He looked concerned. "You okay?"

"Yeah just a headache"

"Headache?"

"I'm been getting them ever since I woke up, it's not a big deal" Dearka looked behind Yzak and saw the hall was empty. "Where's your girl?"

"She took those two idiots for disciplinary. Come on my office is over here, we should get you into uniform." They entered his office. Dearka looked around until his eyes feel upon the uniform sitting on the desk. It was a black uniform worn by some of ZAFT highest ranking officers. He walked over and read the tag, he was surprised to see his own name.

"This is my uniform?" He said confused.

"Did I forget to mention that?" Yzak replied.

"Yeah you did."

"Like I keep say, a lot happened, like you becoming a Commander." Yzak took a seat in his chair and Dearka followed suit, taking a seat in front of him.

"So tell me what else happen?"

"I told y-"

"I know, you don't want to answer a million questions. But don't you think I deserve to know a few things. At least let me ask a few."

"Fine. I've got half and hour, an hour tops. Ask away"

"Zala… where is he? Is he a commander as well?"

"Yes he's a commander, but not with ZAFT"

"If not with ZAFT then with who?"

"After the war he joined the Orb military."

"Athrun really left the PLANTs? Why?"

"It's complicated."

"What about Le Creuset"

"Dead" He replied bluntly.

"Dead? Really… here I thought he'd never bite it. So when he die? During the first or second war."

"At the end of the first war. He was killed by the enemy… although at that point he had made himself an enemy of ZAFT as well. In the end of it all he seemed to have gone mad, even attacking and almost killing a ZAFT soldier." He explained leaving out the part that Dearka himself had been Rau's target. "After he was killed I took over his remaining crew and was promoted to Commander."

"I always thought the old man had a few screws loose. It was only a matter of time before it all came unraveled."

They spent the next few minutes discussing the war. Yzak tried to keep the details as vague as possible, if Dearka asked something he wasn't willing to answer he simply replied 'it's complicated'. Dearka was getting frustrated with how much the young commander was replying with this answer but chose not to push the subjects. Yzak was his friend, he knew that if he didn't want to answer it was only to protect him.

"That's enough talking for tonight. I have some work to do and it's getting late. You should get some rest. You remember where you room is right?"

"Of course, we only passed by it an hour ago. I may have lost over three years of my life but that doesn't mean I can't remember new things" He said pissed off.

"Then go, I'll see you in the morning" Dearka mockingly saluted him then picked up his uniform and walked out. Once Dearka was out of the room Yzak leaned back in his chair and took a deep relaxing breath. He watched the minutes changing on his clock as if he was waiting for something, but in truth he was just putting something off. Leaning forward he picked up his phone and dialed a number. It rang four times before an answering machine picked up.

" _Hello! You've reached Miriallia Haww. I am out on assignment. I'll be returning sometime in late August. Leave a message after the beep if you want me to call back!"_

 _*BEEP*_

Angry he slammed down the phone choosing not to leave a message. "Dammit Haww! Where the hell are you!"


	5. Chapter IV: Under the Moonlight

_**Will You Remember Me?**_

* * *

 **Chapter IV: Under the Moonlight**

Dearka left Yzak's office, his mind still filled with questions about the war. Yzak, as much as he tried, was being no help. There was so much he was refusing to answer, including how and when Dearka became a Commander. He couldn't help but be frustrated with it all. Then there was the small sparks of memories: his father pinning him against a wall, Yzak holding him at gunpoint… and the girl. The girl in the sunset who started all his questions.

Completely distracted he made his way through the halls of the base. As he walked he started to notice how dark it was outside. He didn't realize it had gotten so late. He turned the corner and saw down the dark hall Shiho standing in front of a window. The moonlight was shining in bathing her in it's light. Remembering what a jerk he had been to her he decided to go apologize.

"Oi! Shiho" He yelled as he approached. She turned to look at him, her face fading into the moonlight. For an instant he saw a girl outside in a garden, her face wasn't visible, lost in the light of the moon. He quickly realized however, it was the same girl whose face was hidden by the sun.

This fragment of memory seemed to take the same toll as the others causing him to have a large headache. Slowly he fell to his knees in front of Shiho. "Oh my god! Dearka! Are you okay?"

 **Flashback**

It was a battle no one had ever expected to happen. In a startling event the Earth Alliance attacked Orb. After the mass driver in Alaska was destroyed they sought to use the one in Orb. When they refused to allow them access the EA forces attacked. It was then on that day that Dearka took his first official move towards defecting. Many battles followed that day, many came before it, but none marked him as much as that one had.

He sat in the large hall in the Attha maision. He was surrounded by those who had come to pay their respects to those lost in that battle, both soldier and civilian. He tried to listen to the man speaking in front but his words were dry and boring. Instead his eyes began to wander, soon falling upon a certain brunette. _She_ was there. For some reason it never occurred to him that she would be there. He couldn't help but feel happy seeing her again.

It had been six long weeks since he had left Orb, and she had never left his mind. He didn't understand why. She was a natural and he was a coordinator. They were natural born enemies. During the war he felt a need to protect her because she was an innocent girl. His feelings were only suppose to be those of a guardian. Now looking at her in the distance he wasn't sure what his feelings were.

When the memorial service was over he watched her head out the side door. Taking a deep breath he decided to follow. She was alone out in the garden. It was now dusk. The moon was glowing high in the sky and underneath it was a beautiful young woman; Her delicate features highlighted by its light. He started to feel something he had never felt before, it was like butterflies in his stomach. He felt weak in the knees. How was it that without even looking at him she could evoke such feelings in him?

Taking a chance he decided to approach her. "It was a beautiful service" He said once he reached her. Surprised hearing his voice she quickly turned around.

"Dearka!?" She gasped. He couldn't help but lose his entire cool when looking at her this close. She was wearing a tight black dress that went to her knees. It hugged her in all the right places. The sleeves were ¾ length and lace. An appropriate dress for a somber event. "What are you doing here!"

"I came to pay my respects like everyone else" He said simply. "But I have to say I never expected to see you here"

She looked down at the ground. He could see she was filled with mixed emotions. "I didn't know if I would. I've tried hard to forget everything that happened. It took a long time to try to find a 'normal' life… not that I've found it yet" She looking up at him, deep into his amethyst eyes. "But I couldn't forget all who were lost. They deserve to be remembered."

"You're right, they do… I'm glad you came." She was surprised hearing him say this. "I've… " He wanted to tell her he had missed her, after all he had, but he couldn't help but start to chicken out. "you know…"

"I know." She replied smiling. "I've missed you too" It was his turn to be surprised. He never expected her to have similar feelings. He just smiled in response. She turned her focus to his attire. "New uniform?" She asked tilting her head. He was wearing a green ZAFT uniform, It struck her a odd. Although she didn't know much about ZAFT she did know the red uniform soldiers out ranked the green.

"Yeah. Turns out they don't really appreciate when their soldiers fight against them."

"I don't recall you ever firing against ZAFT"

"Which is why I still have my life, and why I was given another chance to wear a uniform for their military."

They both stood there in silence until a cool wind blew, causing Miriallia to shiver. Deciding to be a gentleman he removed his jacket and placed it delicately over her shoulders. She looked him straight in the eyes as he did so. They both seemed to be in trances, lost in each other's presence. When suddenly out of nowhere Miriallia stood up on her tippy toes and kiss him dead on the lips.

This action surprised Dearka, but he quickly returned the kiss. Snapping out of her trance Mir stumbled back, causing his jacket to fall to the ground. He could see how shocked she was at her own actions. Both their faces were bright red. Unable to face the tension any longer she took off running towards the mansion, leaving a stunned Dearka.

As he watched her flee he unconsciously reached his hand up and touched where her lips had been only moments before. A smile overtook his face. Miriallia Haww… she wasn't like any girl he had ever met, but maybe that was exactly what he needed.

 **End of Flashback**

"Yeah Shiho I'm fine" He replied picking himself up off the ground. "Side effect from the accident." She helped him lean against the wall as he focused on breathing. "I'm sorry about earlier." He said.

"You mean when you hit on me?" She asked.

"Yeah, I didn't realize you were Yzak's girl"

"I'm not Yzak's girl" She argued.

"But he sai-"

"I mean I am his… girlfriend, but…"

"But you two are not a fan of labels… I get it. I just can't believe I actually forgot about Yzak Joule getting a girlfriend"

"You didn't" She confessed. He looked at her confused.

"We started seeing each other after your accident. You encouraged him to pursue a real relationship with me, he refused the mere notion of it and then… "

"And then what?"

"You were t-bone by some idiot who didn't know how to drive" She said pissed looking up at him. "I was in the room when he was talking to you on the phone that day. I could only hear his side of the conversation, but he heard your accident happen. He yelled at you and then you were almost killed. I'll never forget that look he had on his face when he thought you were gone forever."

"I was on the phone with him"

"You were leaving the PLANTs, heading for the shuttle port. Yzak was trying to convince you not to leave, but he knew it was something you had to do. He also knew there was no one in the world who could talk you out of going. But even so he needed to try, he didn't want to lose his best friend."

"Where was I going exactly?" He asked.

She looked at him and decided it was best to just ignore his question. "Have you remembered anything yet?" He was a bit ticked that she didn't answer his question, so he chose to do the same. Instead he just looked out the window towards some on guard soldiers. "You don't have to answer me. But promise me one thing."

"And what is that?"

"Don't jump to conclusions when it comes to the things you remember. The past few years… they were messy. So much happened that was unexpected and crazy. You are not the same person you were when you were 17. You changed, but those changes were all based on your experiences and memories. Without those you've lost your identity."

"So… let's say I remembered a few things, would you be willing to explain what exactly they mean?"

"Depends on what you remember."

"When you were breaking up that fight earlier, I saw my father pinning me up against a wall. My mother was screaming for us to cut it out. She was so upset, I had never heard her scream like that before in my life. As for my father, his eyes were filled with such disgust. That was it. Just a flash for a few split seconds and it was over."

Shiho swallowed hard, wondering to herself how much she should reveal. She turned to look out the window as she collected her thoughts. "That was the last time you and your father talked, before today that is."

"The other day Mother said I did something to cause it, what exactly was it that I did?"

"It had nothing to do with you really" Shiho explained. "You were defending the honor of someone you cared about, someone you vowed to yourself you would always protect. Your father expressed his hate for this person and you became angry. He told you that you had to pick between them and that person. You chose to end your relationship with them instead."

"Who was this person."

"Sadly they aren't part of your life now either, not your choice by the way. Unfortunately it actually ended between you shortly after you chose them over your parents."

"Wait a minute, you're not saying what I think you're saying are you?"

"What do you mean?"

"It was a girl wasn't it? I chose some girl over my family?" He asked surprised at himself. He was baffled at the mere thought that he would have dated someone for an extended amount of time, nevermind chose over his parents.

"Listen I've already said too much" She reached up and placed her hand reassuringly on his shoulder. "I have every confidence that you will remember someday. Just give it time." She leaned in and whispered to him "If you really want to know what Yzak isn't telling you to look up your military records."

He looked back at her frowning in confusion as she walked away. What exactly was in his records that would be so important?


	6. Chapter V: Old Friends, New Questions

_**Will You Remember Me?**_

* * *

 **Chapter V: Old Friends, New Questions**

She watched as the steam danced above her hot cup of tea. It was memorizing how something so simple could be so beautiful. Everything seemed beautiful to her right now. After all the things she had seen on her last assignment it was good to be home in a safe place.

"These are really amazing Mir" The young man across from her said as he looked through her collection of prints. "You're really starting to make a name for yourself."

"I do my best. But it's not about making a name for myself. I just want to help raise awareness of the things going on in the World, no matter how horrible it might be."

The young man just smiled at her. "It's been too long Miriallia."

"Almost three years"

"Time really flies"

"So how have you been Sai? What exactly have you been up to lately?" She questioned.

"Nothing too exciting I'm afraid" He said pushing his glasses up with his index finger.

"That's not always a bad thing." they sat in a comfortable silence for a few seconds as they sipped their drinks.

"So… You and Dearka..." He said. "Is it true you to you know… dated?"

"Huh? Where did you hear that?" She asked almost sounding irritated.

"I've worked on and off with differnet former crew members of the ARCHANGEL over the past few years. It was kind of a hot topic, considering the relationship you two had while on the ship. I couldn't help but wonder if it was true or not."

She took a deep breath "Yes it was true. It didn't last long, about five months. It was mostly long distance. It ended when I decided to become a war photographer. We got into a huge fight. After the fight was over there was too much said to go back. He left and it been almost two years since we've seen each other."

"That's rough"

"That's life I guess… but the real rough thing was that I actually thought about giving the big lug a second chance."

"Really what happened?"

"A few months ago he started calling me out of the blue. Said he wanted me back in his life. The first few times I hung up on him. Eventually though we got to talking a bit. I agreed to meet him three months ago but the day he was supposed to come to Orb he never showed up. Before long I had to leave on the assignment I just finished. I was so angry for months I could barely think."

"Have you heard from him since?"

"No, I left him a voicemail telling him not to bother trying. The last thing I need is him begging for my forgiveness."

"Maybe it was all just a huge misunderstanding. His shuttle might have been delayed or something."

"Or maybe he realized that us not being together is just easier, better for both of us."

Miriallia walked up to her door and unlocked it. It had been months since she had last stepped foot in her apartment. When she walked in she turn on the light. She was always amazed at the large amount of dust that would build up during her absence. She looked around her apartment, admiring the things she had left behind. It was a small studio apartment, just a kitchen, a bathroom and a living/bedroom area. Nothing much but it was all a girl like her needed.

She walked over to her bed and flopped down, ignoring the large dust cloud that flew up upon impact. She stretched out and rolled over. She was about to take a much needed nap when she noticed her answering machine was blinking. Everyone who would want to call her knew she had been out on assignment, so who was this message from? Curious she crawled across her bed and pressed play.

" _You have one unheard message, Saturday 5:08 AM, June 23rd"_

" _Hey Miriallia, guess you're out right now. No doubt saying goodbye to your parents. I don't know if you'll get this message before I see you but either way I just want to say I hope things work out between us. You are the reason I've became the person I am. Every night since I left your side I've woken up missing you, wishing I could hold you in my arms one last time. I guess this is the moment of truth for us. This moment… it's all we have left. Either you take me back or you end it forever. But however this may end I just want you to know… I love you"_

Mir looked at the machine sad. His voice sounded so hopeful. It didn't make any sense. Why when he fought so hard for a second chance would he just stand her up?

* * *

Dearka could stop think about Shiho's words. There was something she wanted him to find in his military records, something Yzak may not have wanted him to know. When he final reached his bedroom he entered. The room was similar to the one Yzak was in: Just a bed, a dress and a desk with a computer to do his work on. He thought about just ignoring the female soldier's suggestion but curiosity got the better of him.

He sat down at the computer. The chair seemed to have a familiar comfort to it, like he had sat in it before. He looked around the desk. On top were three framed pictures. The first was very familiar to him, it was a picture of him and his friends at their ZAFT graduation. The other two left him confused. They were of battlefields, down in the bottom corner of each he noticed a set of initials reading 'MH'. He wasn't sure what 'MH' stood for but he decided to ignore it. Instead her turned his attention to his computer.

He opened up the database containing the military records. Typing in his own name he pulled up the file and began reading details. It started out boring, just regular run of the mill soldier stuff, that is until the day he last remembered. He frowned as he read the reports. He was shocked. He was listed as MIA for nearly six months. Shortly after the status was changed he was listed as being court martialed. He tried clicking the file that contained the details of the trial but he was denied access. According to his file though, a few days after the end of the trial he joined ZAFT.

"What the hell does all this mean?" He questioned to himself. Suddenly he started to feel nauseous. His head began pounding as chunk of memory came vividly rushing back. He remembered being in his BUSTER. The controls were shot and the ARCHANGEL was taking aim. Making a snap decision he opened the cockpit and surrendered, becoming a prisoner.

Slowly he made his way to his bed. He closed his eyes hoping the pain in his head would go away, that he would wake up and realize that what he read, what he remembered wasn't true. The next day after getting some much needed sleep he dressed himself in his uniform and made his way to Yzak's room. It was early, 0500 hours to be precise. He thought about knock at the door but instead decided to punch in the code he knew Yzak always had used for his locks.

When he clicked the fourth number the door came whooshing open and he walked in. Turning on the light as he entered he was quickly greeted by an angry Yzak and a barely dressed Shiho. "What the hell do you think you are doing Elsman?!"

Dearka seemed unfazed by the question. "When were you planning on telling me I was a war prisoner?" He demanded emotionlessly.

Yzak frowned. "When did you?"

"Last night. I felt like it was yesterday. I remember every second of my capture, every feeling I had in that moment. Why the hell would you keep that a secret!" He yelled.

"I was trying to protect you"

"Protect me? From what? Because from what I read in my military records my being a prisoner is the least of my worries."

"You read your file! What the hell were you thinking?" Yzak yelled back angry as he stood up.

"I was thinking that I wanted some answers, answers my so called best friend wasn't willing to give me! I was court martialed when the war ended, what happened! What the hell did I do!" he demanded.

"We were all court martialed!" Yzak informed him. "You, me and Zala too. We were put on trial and found guilt of our crimes. We would have died too, but the Chairman spared us. My crime was less serious than yours and Zala so I was given the promotion I deserved. I took over the Le Creuset team like I said. As for you two, you were give an option, a discharge or a demotion. You each took different paths."

"What did we do!" He demanded.

"It's complicated!"

"Why does it have to be complicated!" " _Why does it have to be complicated!"_ He heard his own voice echo in his head. His voice sounded sad.

 **Flashback**

Dearka sat outside the airport nervously tapping his foot. He was sitting next to the girl he had just spent an entire week visiting with. It wasn't planned, it was just something that happened, something amazing. "Will I see you again?" He asked looking at the young girl.

"I… I don't know… It's complicated."

"Why does it have to be complicated" he said in a sad tone.

"I don't know… because you are you, and I'm… me." She said nervously.

"That's not an answer." He replied. "I like you" He admitted. "More than I probably should. We can look at this past week as either old comrades getting to know each other or something else."

"And what is that?"

"Two people trying to find their way in the World… together. I'm not saying we should date or anything. I think we both need time to figure out what all this means. But I want to know… is there ever a time in the future that you see more for us? Or am I just fooling myself?"

 **End of Flashback**

Dearka ignored the ting of pain he felt in his head. "You keep saying it's complicated, but maybe you not telling me shit is causing the real complications."

"Just where in the hell did you even get the idea to look up your records?" He questioned. Dearka just looked over at the young woman in Yzak's bed, leaving him speechless. "Can we just forget this damn nonsense and get back to work. You being pissed off about your past isn't going to change anything, and I'm not interested in continuing this conversation.

"Fine!"


	7. Chapter VI: The Dream

_**Will You Remember Me?**_

* * *

 **Chapter VI: The Dream**

" _Tolle's gone and he's never coming back, and yet this creep… What is the scumbag doing here!"_

Dearka woke up from a deep sleep drenched in a cold sweat. It was _that_ dream again. The one of the girl in the EA uniform attacking him, or at least he thought it was a dream. It wasn't until he noticed the scar on his head that he began to question whether it was real or not. His body was covered in scars from the accident, which was why this particular one had gone unnoticed for so long. But after looking at it closely he realized it was much older than the rest. The girl's face was a blur, even her voice was muffled.

Her words haunted him in both his dreams and while awake. Hearing the words 'scumbag' coming from this blurred figure hurt. He didn't know who the girl was and didn't dare ask Yzak. The two of them had been on rocky terms ever since their fight three weeks ago. Even Shiho was icing him out a bit. She wasn't pleased that he sold her up the river so quickly. Had he remembered the friendly relationship he used to have with her he wouldn't have done so. Maybe that was why it hurt Shiho so much that he did what he did.

After taking a long shower to wash off the sweat he got dressed in his uniform. He sat down at his computer and noticed a message from Yzak. It was a request for him to met in his office. Rolling his eyes at Yzak's immaturity to not just come face to face with him he headed down the hall to his friend's room. He knocked at the door and Shiho opened it and invited him in.

"You wanted to see me _Commander_ " He said mockingly.

"A little less attitude would be nice"

"Whatever" He said sitting down.

"I've been asked to return to the VOLTAIRE. It was our ship we were all stationed on after the end of the first war. Since I've taken responsibility for you since your return you'll be coming with me."

"And what will I be doing there? Just hanging out in my room like you make me do here? Or will I actually get a chance for some action?"

"You'll be training to be a commander. It's been three weeks. Unless you're hiding any parts of you recent recovery from me I'm guessing you haven't remembered anything since the whole prisoner thing."

"Not exactly"

"Then chances are you may never remember everything fully" He said sadly. "And we need to be prepared for that if it happens. It's time we stop waiting for things to happen and help you move on with your life."

"Fine… on one condition."

"What"

"You'll start being honest with me. None of this it's complicated crap. If I want to know something just tell me, don't worry if I can handle it."

"I can't promise that" He admitted. "But I will do my best to be as honest as possible."

"Good enough I guess. So when do we leave?"

"Today. But first we need to swing by your apartment to get a few things."

"I have an apartment?"

Dearka couldn't believe he had his own place. Although he shouldn't have been surprised judging by the fact he and his parents were not on speaking terms for nearly two years. He needed somewhere to go between tours. He walked in the place, his two friends close behind. It was a large apartment: A spacious kitchen, large living room, a bathroom with both a tub and a shower as well as two bedrooms. It was much more than a guy like him needed, but with money always to burn it was no big deal to have such a place.

He looked around the room. There on the wall was another print out of a battlefield. This one was large, the size of a poster. Down in the corner the same initial was visible. "MH" Dearka said running his finger across the watermark. "What does it stand for?" He asked.

"It's the photographer's initials." Shiho explained. "Some think it's just their alise's initials, others think it's their real name. Few know the truth." He looked at her trying to decipher if she was lying or not.

"And did I know the truth?"

"I don't know" She replied. "You seem to have many copies of their work, but you never told us if you knew them or not. You only told us what I just told you when we use to ask."

"Guess I was as cryptic as you"

"It was for the photographer's own safety. They got into some pretty secure locations, even ones only ZAFT military was permitted. If they were caught they could have been in deep trouble." Yzak explained.

Dearka continued to walk around the room trying to spark a memory, anything. It had been weeks since he had remembered anything new. The only new thing he remembered was that girl attacking him. He saw it every night when he went to bed, and he was sick of it. He was looking around when something caught his eye. It was the flash of an answering machine. Walking over to it her looked down. The number one was flashing on the screen. He frowned looking down at it.

"Ah what's wrong?" Shiho asked worried.

"I… have a message." He clicked the play button before either of them could try to stop him.

" _You have one unheard message, Saturday 6:20 PM, June 23rd"_ The answering machine informed him.

" _Dearka… Guess this is really over huh? We're really over. I've waited as long as I could but you're not here. I don't know what would have happened with us if we actually had a chance to see… but now we never will. I'm leaving like planned. Don't try to call or find me, you won't be able to."_ her voice seemed to crack with sadness. " _Maybe I'm just not meant to find my happy ending with a guy from another world… goodbye Dearka Elsman… I'll never forget you and all you did for me._ "

" _That voice? I've heard it somewhere… but where?"_ Dearka thought his eyes wide looking down at the phone. "Who was that?" Dearka asked. He looked up at his two friends who seemed to be avoiding eye contact. "Why won't you answer me!"

"Because some things are better off unsaid" Yzak replied.

"You promised you would answer my questions."

"And I just did. That girl isn't part of your life anymore."

"She called me the day of the accident! Several hours after it happened. Judging by what she said I was suppose to met her, but she thinks I stood her up! Who is she!"

"A mistake of your youth!" Yzak answered.

"What is her name"

"She's better off staying where she is, forgotten"

"Dammit Yzak just answer the damn question."

"Go pack" He replied in a serious tone. "Our shuttle to the VOLTAIRE leaves in a couple hours." Dearka curled up his nose angry at his friend but agreed and headed into his bedroom. He started to pack when he could heard Shiho scolding Yzak. Curious he hid trying to hear the conversation.

"... don't you think he deserves to know?" She said.

"That girl was the worst thing that ever happened to him. Everything bad in his life happened because of her."

"That's not how he sees it. She is the ying to his yang. The one person in his eyes that completes him. He deserves to know who she is."

"If she was so important to him he would remember her by now."

"That is not how amnesia works. He needs her. Maybe she is the key for unlocking his lost memories"

"And maybe he'll never remember. Do you really want to be responsible for him know what he did for that girl but never understanding why?"

"His mother tried for weeks to find her. She hates her, blames her for tearing her family apart, but still tried everything to find her for him."

Dearka didn't need to hear anymore, he knew what he had to do. Heading back into his bedroom he began to pack. Shiho and Yzak continued to argue their points for telling Dearka or not telling him about the caller. After realizing how long they had be fighting they began to wonder where Dearka was. Checking in his bedroom they were horrified when the window was wide open and no trace of the young soldier.

* * *

Dearka walked through the strange park near the sea shore. It wasn't much, just some play equipment and benches. He honestly didn't know why he was here. After the fight he overheard Shiho and Yzak having he decided he needed to find the girl from the message on his own. He took the bag he had packed and hopped out his window, scaling down the building with great skill. Once at the shuttle port it wasn't difficult to figure out where he was supposed to have gone that day. Now he found himself in Orb, wandering around trying to find something familiar. Something that could lead him to the girl.

As he walked through the park he noticed a large Memorial Stone far out by the sea. Seeing a set of steps that lead out to it he decided to take a look. As he approached the stone his steps became more hesitant, like he was afraid. Soon he was standing in front of the stone. Many names were written across the gold plate. He read through the all, every single name. He hoped that maybe one of them would spark something, but none did. None seemed familiar.

"Seems like a lifetime ago doesn't it?" A voice said behind him. Dearka turned to see a blond man. His eyes were covered by a pair yellow tinted glasses. He looked to be the same age as himself. The boy could tell Dearka didn't recognize him. "Guess it has been a long time, you don't remember me do you?"

"Can't say I do" Dearka admitted.

"Sai Argyle, from the ARCHANGEL" Dearka instinctively frowned hearing the name of that ship. Sai ignored this and walked past him placing flowers on the stone. They stood there in silence, mostly because Dearka didn't know what to say to him. "I never thought Orb would be attacked, especially by the Earth Alliance. Sometimes I think the whole country would have burned had you not come back. Nothing made sense in those days. But I'm glad you fought alongside us." Dearka tried his hardest not to react to this. He had fought for the ARCHANGEL after his imprisonment, not to mention during a battle against the EA forces. "We would have all died without you, who knows how the war would have ended if that happened."

"I couldn't just stand by and do nothing" Dearka surprised himself saying those words. But they seemed like the correct response.

"She's pissed at you you know" Sai said suddenly after a short silence.

"Huh?"

"I don't know why you stood her up that day, I'm sure you had your reasons and all. But it hurt her. She has spent almost four months racking her brain over why you would do that to her after begging her for a chance. That being said, I don't think it's as over between the two of you as she might claim. After everything the two of you have been through it doesn't just end like this"

"And how does it end?"

"Guess that is up to you, after all you're here to find her aren't you?"

"Yeah I guess I am" Dearka didn't know 100% that the girl this Sai was referring to was the same one as the girl from the voicemail. What he did know however, was that he was here to find answers to his forgotten past and this girl he stood up might have them.

"I should probably get going. It was nice seeing you again Dearka." He watched the young man walking away. As he looked at his retreating form he realized who the guy was. He was part of his dream. He was the guy who held the girl back, the one who saved him from being killed. He was grateful he saw the young man. He may not have remembered anything new but he learned a lot. Something happened to change him, enough that he would fight for the enemy. He was determined to figure out what that all meant.


	8. Chapter VII: The Yellow Door

_**Will You Remember Me?**_

* * *

 **Chapter VII: The Yellow Door**

Miriallia sat in her apartment reading a book, it was a real page turner. She was hooked on the story. She was so concentrated on the words that she jumped when her phone rang. Setting down her book she barely made it to the phone in time.

"Hello, Miriallia speaking"

" _Haww, it about damn time you answered your damn phone"_

"Huh? Yzak?" She said confused before getting angry. "Listen if this is Dearka's sick idea of trying to get me to actually speak to him then you can forget it! I have no interest in talking with that jerk. I gave him a second chance and he blew it. I have no intentions of giving him a third chance." He was silent for a few seconds, it was making her uncomfortable. "Well?"

" _There was an accident"_ He informed her.

"An accident?" She repeated in a worried tone. Slowly she sunk down into her chair. "What do you mean an accident?"

" _It happened the day Dearka was suppose to meet you in Orb. The truck came out of nowhere. I tried to contact you right away after I knew more about the situation but I had no luck."_

She felt knots in her stomach as she asked "Is he?"

" _He's alive. It was touch and go for a few weeks."_

"How is he now? I'll book a shuttle and come right away" She said standing up ready to pack.

" _He's not in the PLANTs"_ he confessed.

"Then where is he?"

"That's actually what I'm calling you about. After the accident he was in a coma for three months. When he woke up he had no memory of the past three and a half years. He spent a few weeks following trying to remember but other then remembering he was one a prisoner for the ARCHANGEL he still drawing a blank."

"So what you're saying is that he has no idea who I even am?"

" _No, but he wants to find out. We visited his apartment yesterday. There was a message on the machine from you. After listening to it he took off. We did a city wide manhunt for him but it was too late. He had already got on a shuttle. He's there somewhere in Orb. He's looking for you, only he doesn't know it's you he's looking for. You need to find him"_

"How am I supposed to do that? Orb is huge, he could be anywhere."

" _From what I hear you have lots of connections in Orb. Call around. He's not safe wandering around, no in his current mental state. Find him Haww, before he gets his cocky ass in trouble"_

Dearka found himself walking around the city. It had been two weeks since he arrived in Orb. Not wanting Yzak to find him he decided to use his survival skills. Taking up camp in the woods he spent his days searching the cities for clues on his past. He didn't know where he was going but he found himself suddenly walking down a random street. It was the street to a large subdivision. Many homes were on both sides of the road. He looked at each and every one as he passed by until he came across a house with a yellow door. It was the only house on the entire street with such a unique color. It was very plain other than this one detail. Just a small one storey home. He felt the sudden compelling need to knock on the door.

Giving into this need he approached cautiously. As he passed by the mailbox he remarked the name written across it, 'The Haww's'. He stood in front of the door he swallowed hard, like he was nervous. An enormous feeling of deja vu overtook him. "I've been here before" He thought. Knocking twice he waited. When no one seemed to be there he turned and started walking down the stairs. He stopped however when he heard the door open.

"Dearka?" A woman said as she opened the door fully to walk out. He looked at the older woman ready to question who she was when a huge headache came on. For a flash second he remembered knocking on the door before. The same woman had answered. The pain began to overwhelm him, causing him to fall to the ground.

 **Flashback**

Dearka sat in his car outside a house. He had gotten the address from Kira. This was where _she_ lived. The place he could find her. It had been two days since the memorial service. Two days since he had seen her last. But most importantly two days since she had kissed him. He couldn't get that moment out of his mind. He didn't understand why. No girl had ever had a hold over him like this. He needed to find out why, what was so special about her.

Working up the courage he got out of his car. Slowly he walked up the bright yellow door. He was surprised at the size of the home. It was so small and cozy looking compared to the oversized, cold, stuffy house he grew up in. He knocked twice on the door and waited. He couldn't believe how impatient he was. Time ticked by so slowly until finally the door opened causing him to jump slightly. There standing in front of him was a older woman. She looked to be in her early forties. Regaining his composure he noticed some familiar physical traits about her. This was definitely Miriallia's mother.

"Hi ma'am, I was hoping I could speak with your daughter, if she's around"

"I'm sorry but she hasn't really been in the talking mood lately. She attended a memorial service a couple of days ago and has been upset ever since."

"I'm sorry ma'am… that might be my fault" He said nervously scratching the back of his neck.

"Oh?"

"I spoke with her at the memorial… and she seemed upset when we parted ways. I can't help but feel responsible for her being in her current state. Please… if I could just talk to her, just for a few minutes. It would mean the world to me."

She thought about it for a few minutes before smiling and agreeing. "I can't promise she will come out but I'll encourage her to do so. Who may I say is here?"

"Dearka, Dearka Elsman" He said reaching out his hand to shake hers. She quickly accepted.

"It's nice to meet you. I'll go see if she wants to talk, wait right here." He nodded and she gently closed the door. Again he was left waiting. This time however when the door finally open again he was greeted by the young girl who stole a kiss from him.

"Dearka... How... How did you find me?" She asked confused shutting the door behind her.

"Ah... I asked Kira. I told him we needed to talk... Face to face" he explained trying to avoid eye contact.

"And what exactly did you need to talk about?" she asked as she gently tucked her hair behind her ear nervously.

"Coffee"

"Coffee?"

"Would you like to get coffee with me? So we can talk about what happened the other night."

"Nothing happened the other night" She said insisting that he forget about it.

"Then maybe we can talk about our future instead. No woman has ever left me speechless before. Seems like someone I should get to know."

"And who says I want to get to know you?"

"Because you wouldn't be standing here right now if you didn't." She turned around and without saying a word she went back in the house. He waited for a few seconds, thinking she was blowing him off and started to make his way back to his car. As he walked her heard the door open. He looked back to see Miriallia with a jacket and her purse. He smiled at her and she smiled back as she walked towards him.

 **End of Flashback**

"Oh my god Dearka!" The woman yelled as she rushed to his side. He seemed to have lost consciousness. Trying to lift him up a bit she noticed the blood. He had hit his head hard enough to cause it to crack open. "Rick! Help!" She screamed. She was quickly joined by a man of a similar age, seeing Dearka on the ground he ran to her.

"What happened?" He asked.

"He just passed out. He's hurt, we need to call an ambulance!"

"Right" Rick pulled his phone out of his pocket. After calling for help he leaned down to his wife. "What is he even doing here?"

"I don't know, but… he looked right through me, like he had no idea who I was."


	9. Chapter VIII: Ensign Haww

_**Will You Remember Me?**_

* * *

 **Chapter VIII: Ensign Haww**

" _So, what is your point? Weren't you listening to Kira? This is what he meant! Would killing him bring Tolle back to me? Of course it wouldn't. So, why don't you just stop talking about it?"_ He heard a muffled voice echoing in his head. It seemed to be the same blur of a girl, but it was different this time. A new dream… a new fragment of a memory. She was angry at him. He didn't know why, but she was angry. He couldn't help but feel this strange feeling towards the girl, was it affection?

*BEEP* *beep* *BEEP* *beep*

He could hear the beeping of machines, and a breeze tickling his face. His head hurt, differently than before. It wasn't like a headache, something else. Slowly he opened his eyes. Things were blurry at first. After blinking a few times things came into focus.

"You're finally awake." A young woman's voice said. Turning his head towards her he saw a pretty brunette. Her hair was medium length, reaching just below her chin. Her skin was pale, and her eyes a beautiful enchanting blue. Looking at her he felt something strange in his stomach like butterflies. He quickly pushed these feelings down when he noticed what she was wearing. It was an Orb union uniform.

"Where the hell am I?" He demanded.

"You're in the hospital. You hit your head pretty hard." He reached up and felt bandages wrapped around his forehead. "Careful. You don't want to disturb the stitches."

"So who exactly are you supposed to be?"

"I'm Ensign Haww, of the Orb union. We've been looking for you for weeks. It was lucky for us that couple found you"

"You've been looking for me?"

"A commander in the the ZAFT military contacted us, Commander Yzak Joule. He informed us of your situation and requested we search for you. We were having terrible luck until I received a call yesterday."

"Haww… that was the same name as was on the mailbox. They any relation to you?"

"They are my parents." She confessed.

"Terrible coincidence."

"There are no coincidences in life, only fate"

"A believer fate?"

"After everything I've seen in the past four years I almost have to be. Everything happens for a reason."

"Then tell me Ensign Haww, why did this happen? Why was I in an accident? From what I've gather I was suppose to meet a girl, a girl who was more important to me then my own family. So what does getting hit by that truck and forgetting her mean? That I'm not fated to see her ever again?" Mir took a seat beside him as he looked at her almost begging for an answer.

"Fate… it's not always as simple as that. We can't always see the big picture. But maybe your accident wasn't to tell you something, maybe it was for her to figure out what you really mean to her. To help her remember what she forgot."

"I don't understand"

"It compli-"

"Don't give me that bullshit. That's all Yzak wanted to say. Getting him to say anything else was like pulling teeth."

"Sounds like he hasn't changed." Dearka looked at her confused.

"You know Yzak"

"Yes, not really much on a person level… but I've heard stories, many stories. I even met him once. It was a disaster. He hated me, I hated him. We fought, he said terrible things about me, mostly to do with being a natural."

"So you are a natural."

"You weren't sure?"

"Orb is a neutral nation. Stands to reason there may be some coordinators among their ranks."

"Did you want me to be a coordinator."

"I don't really care what you are, as long as you let me go."

"We can't just let you go, not unescorted."

"So I'm a prisoner?"

"No, it's for your own safety. Running around Orb it's not going to help you. It's been a month and a half since you woke up. The most you've remembered for a fact is that you were a prisoner of the ARCHANGEL. After all this time… maybe you'll never get your memories back. It might be best you return to the PLANTs, back to ZAFT. Be the man you were suppose to be before the ARCHANGEL and its crew took you off that path."

"You're wrong. I'm not leaving until I find the girl, the one who I was suppose to meet. If I see her, maybe I'll remember something."

"Or maybe she'll just be another face in the crowd. She'll be nothing to you. A blur." she argued.

"I refuse to believe that. If she was as important to me as she seems to have been I'll remember her. She could be the key."

"No… she not. Everything bad that has happened to you was her fault. She took your honor, your family, and almost your life."

"How do you know all this?" He questioned.

"Trust me. I would never lie to you, you would see right thru that." He looked at her baffled. What did she mean he wondered.

"Dearka?" They heard a voice say. Turning their heads towards the door they saw Athrun Zala in a Orb uniform. He quickly walked over to the bed. Dearka watched as the girl stood up. Instead of saluting she gave him a friendly hug. He then turned to look at his former comrade. "How are you feeling"

"Like I was hit in the head with a hammer" He looked towards the girl then back at Athrun. "Don't tell me this is your woman" Athrun blushed and shook his head.

"Ah… no… she just… well"

"A friend" She answered for him. "He aims a lot higher when it comes to affairs of the heart." she joked.

"What does that mean"

"It's not up for discussion right now." He said seriously. "I just finished speaking with Yzak. He said it is up to you where you stay. You can go home serve as a commander in the ZAFT military or you can stay here for a while, try to remember the past few years."

"So my options are to give up or hold onto hope"

"If that is how you want to see it, then yes"

"Elsmans don't give up." He replied. "I'm going to stay, at least until I find that girl."

"What girl?" Athrun questioned.

"The one he was suppose to met the day of his accident" Mir answered. "He thinks she could help him remember the past few years. Although I strongly believe this girl can't help."

"If I wanted a natural's opinion I would have asked for it" Dearka snapped.

"And if you really wanted to remember anything about that girl you would never speak to me like that." She said tears in the corners of her eyes. "You are better off not knowing her, don't you understand that" she said with an angry tone of voice.

"Mir…" Athrun said concerned.

"She was a mistake, and now that mistake has been wiped away forever. Be grateful. Hold your head high, and return to the PLANTs where you belong."

"What the hell is your problem!" Dearka yelled back. "Don't act like you know what is best for me. Just because you know Athrun and Yzak doesn't mean you know me."

"That's where you're wrong." She said as tears rolled down her face. "I know Athrun and Yzak because I knew _you_ " She took a few steps back. "Go home… that girl can't help you" She said before running out the door.

Dearka watched her retreating leaving him confused and almost hurt. He felt bad, though he didn't know why. Athrun took a deep breath and then took a seat in the chair next to Dearka's bed. "Just who was that girl?" Dearka questioned.

"She doesn't look familiar to you?"

"No… should she?" He asked raising an eyebrow.

"The girl you are looking for, what exactly do you know about her."

"I know she left a voicemail for me. We were suppose to meet in Orb the day of my accident. I didn't show up and she left. I don't know if she's still here but if there is a chance she is I need to find her."

"Let me ask you something else then"

"What"

"Are you sure you want to remember her?"

"What do you mean?"

"This girl was the cause of so many good things in your life. She was the first girl you loved. She changed you from the man you were into the man you became. But no matter how much good she brought to your life so much bad came with it. It was because of her that you no longer speak to your parents. And it was because of her that you were court martialed after the war. You were nearly executed when you were found guilty. Something you admitted in front of the supreme council that you were. If it wasn't for the Chairman at the time forgiving your crimes you would be dead right now."

"Father doesn't want me to remember. Yzak doesn't seem to be sure. Shiho has fought Yzak on his small attempts to block me from finding out things, which leads me to believe she is pro remembering. So tell me… what do you think? Should I keep fighting? Is my memory worth it."

Athrun sat there thinking of what he was asking. "I'm in love." He confessed, confusing Dearka. "There was a time we hid that fact. It caused me to lose her for many months. Not a day went by without it hurting, that I didn't think about her. I gave up many of the same things to be with her as you did to be with the girl you loved. I gave up being a ZAFT soldier. I gave up my family. I even was willing to give up my life for her. All things you did as well. But we still lost them, in different ways but in the end the same. When I had a chance to be with her again I fought for her, but that was because I could remember the pain. I wouldn't give my memories of her up for anything, but I'm not you. Who she is, what she is doesn't matter to me and it never would have. You however, are different. Who and what she is didn't matter to you when you fell in love… but it does now. Fight for your love or forget it. That is what this comes down to. If any part of you thinks she is worth fighting for then do it."

"If I was willing to give up everything that I was for her once then maybe she is worth it."

"You need to be 100% sure that is what you want"

"And if I'm sure?"

"Then I will help you find her, that is if she willing to see you"

"I need to see this thing through. For better or worse I need to complete the mission I set out on a few month ago. I need to find my girl, no matter where she is. So Athrun where can I find her?"

"Come home with me. I'll try to get in contact with her and have her meet us at the Attha Mansion."

"The Attha Mansion?"

"My home… like Ensign Haww said, I aim high."


	10. Chapter IX: The Girl

_**Will You Remember Me?**_

* * *

 **Chapter IX: The Girl**

Dearka looked across the table at the indelicate young woman eating her breakfast. She irritated him, although he wasn't sure why. She was friendly enough to him and all but that didn't mean anything to him. Everyone seemed to be friendly these days towards him. He didn't know if it was due to his situation or if it was their genuine desire. So instead he took kindness as something to be hated.

"Your eggs are going to get cold" The young woman said never looking up from her paper as she continued to eat her cereal.

"I'm not hungry" he replied.

"Suit yourself. Starve"

"Hmm, whatever." He said turning his head away from her.

"I bet your head is like a hamster running in its wheel right about now. Trying to remember all the things lost to you. Why fight so hard for those things?"

"It's my life you are talking about"

"It's pain. You've forgotten so much of it, many would be grateful for that. They would call it a gift."

"It's no gift." He said sadly before finally taking a bite of his breakfast. "Tell me something princess"

"What?"

"I met a young man the day I arrived in Orb. He knew me, of course I didn't recognize him. He wasn't surprised and he thought I forgot him because of the time that had passed since last seeing one another. He was a former ARCHANGEL crew member. He talked about my fighting alongside the ARCHANGEL. Later in the hospital yesterday Athrun said I was court martialed because of that girl I'm trying to find. So what exactly happened in Orb that day. What did I do?"

"You fought. The ARCHANGEL released you from the brig. In an unexpected turn you came back, saving them and turning the tides of the battle. Without you and without Athrun showing up that day too, Orb would have burned to the ground for sure."

"Why did I fight. The ARCHANGEL was my enemy. I could have watched them finally be destroyed."

"The reason you fought was to protect her, you couldn't watch her die, not at the hands of her own military."

"Wait… what are you saying?" He said finally having an epiphany about the girl identity. "No… she can't be"

"You mean you still don't know?"

"It's impossible. I would never be with a natural!" He yelled angrily slamming his hands down on the table as he stood. The force of his hit nearly knock over his milk. "Just what the hell kind of mind games are you playing at woman?!"

"I'm not playing at anything!" She yelled standing up too.

"Dearka, Cagalli, that is enough!" Athrun yelled entering the room.

The both looked at him and then angrily sat back down. "Did you have any luck contacting _her_ " Cagalli asked staring down Dearka.

"Yes… unfortunately she has no desire to see Dearka."

"What? You can't be serious." Dearka replied surprised. "She knows I didn't stand her up on purpose right?"

"Yes, she is fully aware of your whole situation. We've discussed it at length. But the truth is she still thinks you two are better off apart. She broke up with you because she doesn't want you to have to chose between her and everything that made you who you are. And as horrible as it might sound she hopes you never remember her. Because it would be easier if you never do."

"Because she is a natural?" He questioned. Surprised that he knew this he looked at Cagalli disapprovingly. He had attempted to keep Dearka from discovering that fact.

"No. Her being a natural has nothing to do with why it would be easier. It would be easier because you loved her. And remembering her would hurt too much. You were supposed to come to Orb to find out if she would take you back, if you had a future together. But she says that you don't. It is over between the two of you and without your memory of her it won't hurt."

"So she won't even give me a chance? She won't even see me?" He said angry.

"Why even care? She is just a natural after all. Aren't people like us beneath you?" Cagalli said sarcastically.

Dearka didn't know what to think, but he knew what he wanted to do. "I have to see her. Give me her address or something. You said it yourself Athrun, you would fight for the one you love. If I loved her even a fraction of what you feel for yours then I need to fight for her. Even if I have no idea who she is"

Athrun smiled at him. "I was hoping you would say that" He walked over to him and placed his hand reassuringly on his shoulder. "She waiting for you out in the garden"

"You lied to me"

"No… everything I claim she said was true. But I managed to convince her to come here. The rest is up to you. You need to make sure that this is what you want. If seeing her is what you really want. Once you see her there is no going back"

"I can't move on with my life without my past. How can I hope to a Commander if I don't even know how the war ended, or how the second one went about. She is the key… I know it."

"Then go"

Dearka walked through the large mansion and towards the double doors leading to the garden. Thru those doors in his eyes were the answers he needed. As he reached for the door he felt hesitant. He had learned and remembered a few things. Most were to do with his betrayal and that girl. Yzak held him at gunpoint because he was a traitor. He was a traitor because he chose to protect her. His father hated him because he loved her, a natural. Then there was the girl who attacked him, who yelled at him. The faceless blur. Was she the same girl? Perhaps their relationship was as complicated as they all claimed.

Nervously he turned the doorknob and exited into the garden. As he walked down the path he saw a young woman kneeling by the water. She was holding a stick, stirring it like a child would. She seemed so innocent. Her face wasn't visible to him, only her back. Slowly he approached. When she heard he was close she stood up and turned to face him. His eyes opened wide in surprise.

"You!?"

"Hello Dearka."

Dearka looked at the girl shocked. How could this be. "You're Ensign Haww. The young woman who I met at the hospital. Why didn't you tell me who you were?"

"Because I need to know… if you would remember me"

"You were testing me?"

"Yes. You thought I was the answer to everything, to all your problems. But I'm nothing. I'm sure in your eyes right now I'm a weakling. I'm not someone you would ever waste your time with. That's not going change. We have history, but that doesn't exist in your mind. You forgot me."

"It's not like I chose to forget you. The accident took you away from me."

"I wasn't yours for it to take. I'm just a girl you date once." She urged.

"You're the girl I gave up everything for."

"Do you even know why?"

"Because I wanted to protect you."

"Is that something you remembered, or something someone told you?" She questioned.

"Why does it matter which?"

"If you don't know why it matters then I guess that answers my question." She turned away from him and looked down at the water. It was clear and beautiful. She could see herself reflecting in it, as well as and angry confused Dearka. She wished she could throw her arms around him and everything would go back to the way it was, but she knew that couldn't happen. "Just forget you ever looked for me, forget that I was ever part of your life."

"That can't be what you really what you want Haww"

"You don't even know my name." She said sadly looking up at him. "You're gone. The Dearka I knew is gone… and he's never coming back. All that's left is the guy who hurt me once upon a time."

"So that's how you see me? You don't see the guy you cared for once?" He felt a twinge of pain in his chest, it was one he never felt before… it was heartache. Not medical heartache but more metaphorical. It hurt to know he had hurt her once. "Listen you and I have been through a lot. I may have forgotten it but that doesn't mean it didn't happen."

"Why are fight for this? Do you even know what you are fighting for"

"I'm fighting for a girl who I loved"

"Huh?"

He glanced down at the water. It was a confession he himself couldn't believe he was making. "I may not remember you completely, but there are fragments, little pieces." He looked her in the eyes, her emotional blue pools that seemed to drive him crazy already. "Everything I remember seems to be linked to you. Which makes me think you are worth fighting for."

"Stop kidding yourself, and just go home" She whimpered. Not wanting to continue the conversation any longer she walked past him. Quickly he whipped around and took hold of her arm. This action surprised her, but was not new. He had grabbed her like this once before.

"You're right" He said loosening his grip. "I don't remember you. You're not the key to getting my memories back, maybe nothing is. But that doesn't change the fact that I loved you. I hate naturals. It was the way I was raised. You changed that part of my life once. If you were able to do that then maybe you are worth me fighting for."

"What do you expect me to do?" She asked gently pulling her arm away and turning towards him.

"I want you to do what you promised."

"What I promised?"

"You promised you would give me a second chance, that we would talk about our relationship. It was the whole reason I was in that car in the first place. I may have missed the date by a few months but I know if it wasn't for that incident I would have met you on time."

"You can't discuss what you don't remember."

"Then how about we call it a first date." He offered. She looked at him confused.

"You want to go on a date with me?"

"If I'm never going to remember anything I need to move on with my life, head toward the future never looking back. Before I do that though, I'd like to know if there is a chance that you could be part of that future."

"How can I be. You're Dearka Elsman, Commander of ZAFT and long time hater of naturals."

"Maybe I don't want to be that guy. He has no right to be a Commander. He didn't earn it. Please Haww… just one date."

"Miriallia" She replied.

"Huh?"

"My name, it's Miriallia." She took a deep breath as she thought about the conversation they just had. "You're right. I did promise you that we would talk. Dinner, tomorrow night. I'll pick you up here."

"I look forward to it Miriallia."


	11. Chapter X: Dating

_**Will You Remember Me?**_

* * *

 **Chapter X: Dating**

He stared down at the menu. He was nervous, not a feeling he felt often. This girl was strange to him. She was part of his past, and he didn't know if she should be part of his future. After a few minutes of silence he finally closed the menu and looked at her. "Was our first date this awkward?" He asked.

"I don't know… but you were nervous, we both were."

"I don't get nervous." He said seriously.

"Could have fooled me" He glared at her ticked off at her comment. She cleared her throat. "So… umm how do you want to do this?" She asked.

"Do what?"

"You said we should get to know each other. I already know a lot about you, but you've forgotten everything about me. So where do we start."

"How about with what do you do for a living"

"I'm a photographer" She replied.

"So you're not a soldier?"

"I was a few months ago, during the war. And I was an Ensign. But when the war ended I went back to being a photographer. It was what I enjoyed. I was only a soldier to fight to protect those I care about. Once peace was restored there was no point in continuing."

"What kind of photography do you do?"

"I'm a freelance photographer. So it is all contract work. But I do a lot of war photography, taking photos of old battlefields and the like"

"M.H?" He questioned.

"Huh?"

"I have many prints in my apartment and office, they are of old battlefields with the initials M.H. at the bottom. Those are yours am I right" She looked at him strange. "Did I say something wrong?"

"No… It's just… We broke up when I took my first freelance job. You didn't support the idea. You thought I was going to get myself hurt. We got into a fight and by the end of it it was all over between us. It's just strange to hear you actually have my work on display. Guess you were more supportive than I thought."

"I guess I was. Maybe you shouldn't have been so quick to throw me to the curb."

"It wasn't our only issue. There was always the problem with your father."

"What about him?" Mir turned her eyes away from him like she didn't want to answer. "Miriallia?" He urged.

"I never told you this, but he came to see me." She said. "You told him about us. After you did he tracked me down. We had a long talk. He insisted I break up with you and I refused. I told him that no one was going to tell me how to live my life. I was going to be with who I wanted, and I was going to do whatever I wanted."

"So you denied my father's request to his face but turned around and did exactly what he wanted."

"Because you tried to tell me how to live my life." She explained. "Like I told your father, I wanted to live my life how I wanted. At the time that was freelance, I wasn't ever sure I was ready to be dating yet. So when things got tough I cut ties with you and we went our separate ways."

"What do you mean ready to date? How old were you expecting to be when you started your dating life" He joked. He couldn't help but think he had dated a purd. He was surprised when he saw a sad look spread across face. She broke eye contact with him, only making the date more awkward. "Did I say something wrong?"

"My boyfriend was killed in the battle between your team and the ARCHANGEL… the battle that you became our prisoner." She confessed. She could see how genuinely sorry he was.

"Did I-"

"No." She interrupted, stopping him from jumping to conclusions. "It doesn't matter who did it. I don't blame them for it. It was a war. Lives were taken like they were nothing. He was just another notch in their belt."

"How can you be so calm about it? You hug your boyfriend's killer, even call him a friend."

"I never sa-"

"You didn't have to. My memory may be fuzzy but I remember most of that battle. Yzak had already headed back to our ship before there was any casualties from the fight. And if I didn't kill him that only leaves one person. So tell me Haww, how can you even look at him never mind call him a friend. He killed him, took his life, most likely right in front of your eyes."

"Like I said it was a war."

"It can't be as simple as that." He argued. "Did you love the guy?"

"Why does it matter?" She questioned getting mad at him.

"Because it explains a lot. If you could get over a guy you loved and become friends with his killer, no wonder you would be so cynical as to never wanting me to remember anything."

Angry Mir snapped. "First of all _you_ were the one who encouraged me to find some kind of peace with Athrun." trying to calm down she continued to explain. "You thought all the pent up rage over Tolle's death would kill me. I never thought I would be able to look at him, never mind speak to him. But you were there every step of the way, helping me to let go and move on. And I have my reason for not wanting you to remember me. Our happy ending might not be together. If you don't remember me then it will be easier."

"I loved you" He argued.

"No… you don't" she whispered. "Look at me" She said. "I'm not the kind of girl you want to be with. And I'm not saying that to the Dearka you are now, I'm saying it to my Dearka. We broke up for a reason. It wasn't because of your father, or because of my career choice, it was because we _don't_ belong together. Why can't you understand that?"

"Is that really what you believe?" Shaking his head in frustration he continued. "Listen girly, there isn't much I remember but I remember bits and pieces, mostly about you. Then there is this… this feeling. It's overwhelming and humbling. I've never felt anything like it in my entire life. I've never loved anyone before. So maybe I don't know what love is or what it feels like. But what if this is it?"

"Tell me Dearka, if you never remember anything else from the past few years would you really want to be with me? Give up living in that PLANTs or being a ZAFT soldier?" She asked him in all seriousness. "I always thought we were doomed before to never work out. That was when we had history, an unbreakable bond and connection. Now all that's gone."

"I was going to give it all up for you before the accident."

"That was before the accident." She argued. "Do you really still want that? Or are you just chasing something you think you wanted once upon a time." He looked at her questioning and confused. "If you need an out here it is." She offered. "Go back to the PLANTs, get your life back on track."

"It's not that easy" he retorted.

"Neither is this" she replied. "I look at you and I see _him_. The guy you're supposed to be. But you're not him anymore and you may never be. So why force this anymore. You came to Earth to find the 'girl', well you found her. You wanted to talk about us, and now we've talked." Standing up she grabbed her purse. "I'm sorry but I can't do this anymore" She apologized before walking away, leaving him alone at their table. He watched her leave the building.

It hurt watching her walk away. But in so many ways he knew she was right. He didn't remember her. He may never remember her. He couldn't deny his feelings for her but he also couldn't deny the his lingering hatred for naturals. He couldn't be with her and still hate her kind. It was too complicated. He needed to move on with his life. Do what Yzak said and begin training to be the Commander he was always meant to be.


	12. Epilogue: Memories of You

_**Will You Remember Me?**_

* * *

 **Epilogue: Memories of You  
*** Six Months Later *****

It had been six months since Dearka left Orb to return to the PLANTs. He didn't return to ZAFT right away. Instead he decided to take time and learn more about the Bloody Valentine Wars. Part of him hoped it would spark some memories, if not at least he would learn more about the history of PLANTs and how he came to be a Commander.

He was astonished at the things he learned. He had to admit Yzak was right, it was all so complicated. He read about Seigle Clyne's death. How the Clyne faction was formed. That he was one of the many members that fought alongside them. It angered him to see that the Earth Alliance had used NUKES once again, but relieved none of them hit the PLANTs. Then there was GENESIS that was used by Patrick Zala and his supporters. A chaotic and terrible end to a much too long war.

The second war seemed more complicated than the first. The length may have been shorter but the causalities were still very high. So many lives lost for what seemed like so little gain. Various PLANTs were even destroyed. The council was once more corrupted. The only good that seemed to come of it was Lacus Clyne taking what he believed to be rightful place as Chair of the PLANTs.

Through all he read, and even through his many discussions with those from his past, he still remembered nothing else. Ever since he let Orb his memory recover halted. He spoke with his doctor about it. It was in his professional opinion that this was a sign that his memory would never fully return. His past was truly in the past and he needed to forge a new future for himself. It was difficult to accept at first, the thought that he would never remember. But his studies on the history of the past few years helped. At least he knew somewhat of what went on.

When he was satisfied with his knowledge he went back to ZAFT, wearing his black Commander uniform once more. He enjoyed being a Commander, although it did seem to keep him very busy. Busy was good though. It kept his mind away from the girl he once loved. Funny thing was he tried so long to remember things, now he was trying his hardest to forget her. She was a part of a past he would never remember and yet she haunted him. He could still feel lingering feelings for her.

* * *

He sat in his office going over some paperwork. It was a daily thing. Every morning he would wake up and go over the various reports from the day before. It was boring but it was all part of the package. When he finished he leaned back in his chair, closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. When he opened his eyes again his he found himself focusing on one of the pictures on his desk. It was one of the once Miriallia had taken. He couldn't help but think that she created something beautiful out of something so terrible. He smiled to himself thinking about her, a smile he quickly wiped off.

Looking over at the time he saw he was due at the training grounds soon. He stood up, grabbed his uniform jacket and headed out the door. He saluted those he passed him by. It surprised him that now when he passed a cute girl he no longer flirted or tried to seduce them. It seemed in the past few months he found himself changing in ways he didn't know he could. Like the person he was supposed to be was leaking out somehow despite not remembering. He was becoming a better person. The anger inside him fading.

Out in the train grounds Yzak and Shiho were waiting for him. When he reached them he saluted. "Sorry I'm late, this mornings reports took longer than I thought they would." He confessed as he scratched the back of his neck. "So what did you want to see me out here for?"

"The new recruits are going to be running through some basic mobile suit training. I thought maybe you should join them"

"Me? I'm not a trainer." He argued.

"No but you're one of the best long range fighters ZAFT has. Sparing with you could be beneficial to them. After all training with the best will show them how far they have to go. Motivate the troops to keep trying to get better."

"You know I haven't piloted in months." Dearka informed him.

"What you afraid you're not going to remember how?" Yzak joked.

"What?" Dearka spat insulted. "As if! I'm a top pilot, I certainly haven't forgotten how to fight!"

"Good. Then let's get you ready to launch. Shiho and I will be monitoring your fight from the communications center to insure you don't hurt the trainees."

Dearka made his way down to the launch pad. For the first time in months he climbed up into a mobile suit. He was overwhelmed looking down at the buttons. As far as memories went the last time he was in a mobile suit the entire panel was spitting sparks at him, refusing to work. He felt his hands hesitating to take hold of the controls. Like some part of him was afraid. But perhaps that was just lingering fear from the accident. It took a couple months before he was even willing to get behind the wheel of a car.

Finally taking hold of the controls he launched after receiving approval from the command center. He flew around outside the PLANTs for a while trying to get a hang for the new model he was piloting. According to Yzak it was the same mobile suit that he used during the second war. It was a modified standard model. Updated and changed to suit his long ranged fighting style. After a few minutes of testing out the mobile armour the new troops launched ready to attempt to take him on.

Each determined to show Commander Joule they weren't pushovers they each attacked Dearka one by one. He dodged their attacks with easy, smirking at how easy it was. He could tell he himself had improved since the last battle he remembered being a part of. Muscle memory seemed to be a powerful thing. After dodging many of the attacks he chose to attack back. Firing off a few shots from a long range gun he disarmed 3 out of 10 troops. Once disarmed they were called back to the base, leaving the other seven to continue to train.

Dearka waited for them to attack once more but they seemed to be hesitating. He began wondering what was going on, why they were refusing to attack him when they suddenly started to spread out. It was then he realized they weren't hesitating they were strategizing. They surrounded him, attacking this time all together. Dearka continued to dodged their attacks, still with some ease. As he was about to return fire he was surprised when they shot his gun out of his hand. This caused him to get pissed off and lose his cool slightly. No doubt the troops had heard about his personality back when he was first was a ZAFT soldier and was taking advantage of that.

Dearka pulled out the sword from his holster, a piece of weaponry he very rarely used. He was ready to take them all on, one by one if necessary. But before he could attack they launched another attack, this one bigger than the one before. He watched as his screen lit up. He was about to dodge them when something flicked in his mind, his body froze in shock. Each and every shot they fired hit him, causing his mobile suit to be lost in a cloud of smoke.

" _Dearka!_ " Yzak screamed through the communicator, but there was no response. He quickly ordered the troops to return and retrieve Dearka. As they made their way back to the launchpad of the base Yzak and Shiho raced down to met them. Once he arrived he gave the troops a stern angry look, pissed that they possibly injured one of their commanders.

They all waited for his mobile suit to open. Yzak was worried when it was taking longer than it should. He was about to yell at one of the mechanic to open it when finally the cockpit flew open. Taking hold of the cord Dearka slowly made his way down to the floor and walked over to Yzak. As he took off his helmet Yzak waited to hear Dearka's grumbling about them disarming him, instead there a stern look across his face.

"Are you okay?" Yzak questioned.

"No"

"So you're hurt?" He asked.

"No, I'm not alright because I'm not where I'm supposed to be right now" He confessed. Yzak looked at him confused. "I needed to leave. I hope you understand."

"I don't. Where do you need to go?"

"To fight a war I've been losing for too long"

* * *

Miriallia leaned down in the grass at the edge of a cliff overlooking a countryside devastated by the fall of the debris from Junius 7. She took a calm breath as focused her camera lense. Finding the perfect shot she clicked button a few times and sat up. She looked down at the screen reviewing the pictures she had taken that day to ensure she was satisfied with them before packing up for the day. Once she confirmed they were up to her standards she put her camera away and stood up. Turning she nearly dropped her bag when she saw someone was standing only a few feet from her.

"You're a hard girl to track down" They said. "Took a few weeks, I was almost thinking of giving up... almost."

"Dearka?" She whispered confused. "What are you doing here? I thought we agreed it was over. We can't be together, not when you think naturals are inferior."

She was surprised when he smiled. "What if I told you I don't believe that anymore." He asked.

"What would have changed your mind?"

"I've done a lot of reading in the past six months. I've learned so much since I last saw you. So much I didn't know. It's hard to stay the same person after learning the truth of it all."

"That doesn't change anything" She spat as she walked towards him. "I don't know why you came here but it's over between us, you reading a bunch of facts changes nothing." She walked past him ready to head back to her tent.

"Then what if I were to tell you I know the first time we kissed was under the moonlight?" He questioned, stopping her in her tracks. "You were in morning and I showed you kindness. You kissed me and sparked feelings in me I had horrible time come to terms with. Loving a natural, even then was difficult. But I did… I do love you. And that is a fact I know, not that someone has told me."

Mir turned to look at him. "What are you saying"

"I'm saying that I remember the day we met and how horrible it was for both of us. I remember our break up too. The hardest fight I ever lost. But most importantly I remember every single day, every single moment in between and after those days." He confused.

Her eyes opened wide "Dearka? You… you remember me?" She asked.

"Yes… I do" he confirmed. "And I'm here to have that conversation I begged for some many months ago."

"Didn't you learn anything from all this?" She questioned. "Dearka you were in a car accident. You almost died. You forgot all about me instead. Don't you think that is some kind of sign?"

"Of what our fate?" He spat. "If it is our fate to be apart why does every ounce of my body want nothing more than to always fight to be by your side? Near death and complete loss of my memories of you couldn't keep me from you, what makes you think fate wants us apart?"

"We are too different. We are from two different Worlds." She argued.

"Listen Miriallia, I know there'll be tough times. I know that at some point, one or both of us is gonna want to get out of this thing. But I also know that if I don't ask you to be mine again, I'll regret it for the rest of my life. You are _the_ one for me, and I'm willing to give up _everything_ to be with you. You just have to be willing to give me a second chance."

"Dearka… It's not that easy. You can't just give up everything"

"Can't I?" He retorted. "If the whole experience of losing my memories taught me anything it's that there are certain things in this life that one can live without. Never in a million years will that be you. Miriallia Haww I love you, I will always love you, whether or not you give me this second chance."

"I'm not going to give up my career" She informed him.

"I never said you had to" He replied as he slowly walked up to her.

"We still have a lot of issues to work through. It's not going to be easy" Mir insisted.

"I know" He agreed.

"And you kn-" She was interrupted when he quickly grabbed her by the waisted and kissed her deeply. He had waited so long to kiss her once more. So much had stood in his way, their fight, the war, his accident. He would be demanded if her attempts to push him away to protect him stood in his way. He pulled away and looked down at her blushing face. Her eyes met his and she was lost. "I love you" She whispered.

"I love you too" He leaned his head against hers. "Forever and for always."


End file.
